I am 55 and now when I watch a xxx movie all I want to look at is the guy…never had this feeling before I dream about [oral sex with a guy.] Why do I have this feeling?

Gosh, I wish I could answer that question, but it’s just not that easy.

I’m a big gay, homosexual lesbian.  For real.  But I used to love to watch the show Queer as Folk.  Loved it.  I dug the story lines, and the characters…and the sex.  Which was interesting to me, because it was 99% hardcore guy-on-guy sex.  It wasn’t about the guy parts for me.  I really don’t like watching straight sex scenes in movies.  But I liked watching guys go at it on Queer as Folk.

I mentioned it to a couple of lesbian friends, and found that a lot of lesbians felt the same way.  After talking about it, we settled on the fact that we all really liked the freedom with which gay male sex was depicted.  There were no hang-ups.  No need for emotion or connection or anything, other than raw attraction.  And that was something different than our experience – certainly different than the way lesbians are depcited.  So we watched the show each week, eagerly anticipating the sex scenes.  Not because we wanted to be with men, but because we liked the idea of raw sex without attachment.  Which was the depiction, even if it wasn’t the reality.

Sexuality is a funny thing.  I heard at one point that gay male porn was more popular than straight porn for women in cultures where women aren’t treated as sexual equals.  The fact that both partners were treated as equals – strong partners – in the gay films was the fantasy that the women were wanting a part of.  Not the gay sex.

So I don’t know what it means that you find yourself aroused by the thought of gay sex.  It might mean that you’re gay.  It might mean that you’re bisexual, or bicurious.  Or it could mean that you are into the idea of pleasuring someone who you see as an equal.  Or sex without attachment.  Or even that you would enjoy being dominated.  I’m not a sex therapist, so I really can’t even hazard a guess here.

I don’t know your situation.  Don’t know if you’re married or if you have kids.  Don’t know if you’ve had sexual experiences with men or women in the past.  I do know that having new sexual feelings can be confusing and even frightening.  So let me be clear:  I’m not suggesting that you do anything like hire a prostitute or cheat on your wife or girlfriend to figure this out.  What I am saying is that it’s good that you’re recognizing attractions that you’re having.  Exploring them might bring up emotion, but that’s part of being human.

It might be worth talking with a therapist to see if you can understand why you’re having new feelings, or joining a group that addresses issues of sexuality.  I know I’m always amazed that other people share my experiences and questions.  Even if it doesn’t answer the question for me, it always makes me feel much less alone.