Posts from — September 2010

This is one of those questions I can really only answer for myself.  Gay friends, please comment.

Attraction is a funny thing.  I can find a man attractive, and not want to do the dirty with him.  Likewise, I can find a woman attractive – identify that she is indeed, smokin’ hot, or beautiful, or what-have-you – and not be “attracted to” her.  For me, there is something beyond a person’s physical beauty that attracts me to them, “with genuine interest.”  One of those things is their ability to emotionally and physically commit to me.  If a woman isn’t able to do that, gay or straight, it’s not going to work.  My attraction to them won’t last.

Now, that’s not to say that, if a woman is smokin’ hot, and attracted to me, but unavailable for long-term, emotional commitment, that I won’t have genuine interest in her.  I might, but it’s a cruel trick played by pheromones.  However, if a woman really likes me as a person, but isn’t physically attracted to me, it’s not going to work for me, whether she’s gay or straight.  I need to know that my partner wants to be with me sexually.  And if a woman wants to be with me sexually, she’s not straight.

So, do I pursue a woman if I really connect with her, but I think she’s straight?  Only until I find out that she is.  Pursuing a relationship with a woman who is not attracted to me isn’t interesting to me.  Personally, I think it borders on emotional self-abuse.

I will add that this doesn’t happen very often at all for me.  I’ve found myself attracted to a few “straight” women who turn out to be not-so-straight when it comes down to it.  But I think there’s some built in mechanism by which lady-lovin’-ladies can sniff each other out.  It’s in the eyes.  Or the swagger, or the shoving of her tongue down my throat.  I don’t know.  Something subtle like that.