Do you ever find yourself attracted to someone of the straight variety? Like, with genuine interest? I can only imagine you would be physically attracted to the person, but do you ever meet someone that you click with who is straight and secretly wish they were not? Do you pursue it, or see if there is interest? Even though you are pretty certain they are straight? How does that work out for you ladies? Especially in our society where there are many bi-sexual females.

This is one of those questions I can really only answer for myself.  Gay friends, please comment.

Attraction is a funny thing.  I can find a man attractive, and not want to do the dirty with him.  Likewise, I can find a woman attractive – identify that she is indeed, smokin’ hot, or beautiful, or what-have-you – and not be “attracted to” her.  For me, there is something beyond a person’s physical beauty that attracts me to them, “with genuine interest.”  One of those things is their ability to emotionally and physically commit to me.  If a woman isn’t able to do that, gay or straight, it’s not going to work.  My attraction to them won’t last.

Now, that’s not to say that, if a woman is smokin’ hot, and attracted to me, but unavailable for long-term, emotional commitment, that I won’t have genuine interest in her.  I might, but it’s a cruel trick played by pheromones.  However, if a woman really likes me as a person, but isn’t physically attracted to me, it’s not going to work for me, whether she’s gay or straight.  I need to know that my partner wants to be with me sexually.  And if a woman wants to be with me sexually, she’s not straight.

So, do I pursue a woman if I really connect with her, but I think she’s straight?  Only until I find out that she is.  Pursuing a relationship with a woman who is not attracted to me isn’t interesting to me.  Personally, I think it borders on emotional self-abuse.

I will add that this doesn’t happen very often at all for me.  I’ve found myself attracted to a few “straight” women who turn out to be not-so-straight when it comes down to it.  But I think there’s some built in mechanism by which lady-lovin’-ladies can sniff each other out.  It’s in the eyes.  Or the swagger, or the shoving of her tongue down my throat.  I don’t know.  Something subtle like that.


1 Kendall { 01.05.12 at 8:03 am }

Hello there. (:
I just wanted to put in a little input and throw another answer out there, if you don’t mind.
Some lesbian women do find themselves attracted to straight women for various reasons. Some like the thought of pursuing something they can’t have or the “challenge” of obtaining a straight woman, as silly as it may seem.
I, for one, have fallen for a straight girl before. Lemme tell ya, it’s not all that fun. She’s my best friend now and I’m over the fact that we are, and always will be, just friends. When we met we instantly clicked. Our personalities seem to mesh so perfectly together and we are both physically attracted to one another. ((well, I’m obviously attracted to her in a different way than she’s attracted to me, for obvious reasons.))
At first, I tried to see if I was able to pursue her as more than just friends, but I realized, very quickly, that it wasn’t right to chase after someone I know who won’t go for another girl. So why should I ruin a perfect relationship tht we have now for something that is near the impossible to obtain? Other lesbians won’t find the relationship they have with someone as special and they’ll peruse whomever they want, gay or straight, but others, such as myself and the smart one who created this site, are much to respectful to persue something such as that. It all depends upon the lebo, I believe.

Thanks for reading.. I just really wanted to input here. (:
Have a wonderful might, readers!

2 JACQUELINE MCGEE { 05.26.12 at 7:37 pm }

Hi KFlick and Kendall,
Find these topics really interesting to see others perspectives on issues like falling for straight girls. My view from “experience” is that no-one with any common sense would set out to fall for a straight woman on purpose, whether you pursue it depends on your own character and integrity and SELF CONTROL.

I totally fell in love with my best friend “Vonny” after years of being friends it just grew into something that neither of us could ignore and as KFlick says there has to be an emotional and physical connection or whats the point. In my case the only problem was that she was married to a soldier “J” and had a wee girl 4 year-old.

We both resisted temptation for what seemed like ever then one night went on night out, “J” was watching his daughter. when walking her home we ended up kissing at which point car headlights came round the corner- “J” in his car, worried about where we were, definitely saw us. Awkward.

Its a long story but basically the guy knew how I felt and how she felt but he also was one of the good guys and I couldnt hurt him or his family. So I walked away! Kept in touch very little only enough to show that we hadnt fell out but that I couldnt spend as much time with either of them. Hardest thing I have ever done-but was the right thing to do. For everyone but me that is. Bit like the story in Elena Undone only without the happy ending.

Sometimes you just love who you love, but as KFlick says to pursue self destructive behaviour is asking to be hurt.

Jac x

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